Marriage is a permanent life long union between a man and a woman. According to Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:7, Ephesians 5:31, Mathew 19:5 for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they two shall become one flesh. In God’s own view marriage is unbreakable for the male and female adults going into it. Nowadays, youths believe that all marriage requires is a nice looking guy or lady who turns them on and has enough money in his pocket. Some call natural romantic attraction love and base all their decision on this fickle emotion. Many have had cause to cry “had I known” in their marriages because they married the wrong person. So, what should be the pattern or norm for a believer in finding the right person to marry?
In many churches and Christian fellowships there are some wrong teachings going on about how to know whether a person is meant for you or not. Many use the stories of Isaac and Jacob in finding their wives as a yardstick. We must quickly note that these people were specifically selected by God because they are a direct link to the seed Jesus. More so, God’s decision to give them wives the way he did was not in any way negating what he says in the new testament. He didn’t want them to marry unbelievers; the same condition he stipulated in 2Corinthians 6:14 for us. A look at Leviticus 21:14 tells us that a widow or a divorced woman or profane or an harlot, these shall he not take to wife but he must take a virgin of his own people. 1 Timothy 3:2 echoes this same principles. From these bible outlines it is clear that God has laid down some precepts that we should follow when deciding on a life partner and not that a specific person is determined to be our spouse and if we miss such person then we have missed God’s will. It follows that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the lord. The work lies in the finding and finding requires certain features and criteria.
The most important of these features is found in 2Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers for what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness and what communion has light with darkness. If you are born again, you’re already washed and made righteous by Jesus. Entangling with an unbelieving husband or wife will make your walk with the lord uneasy, if not impossible.
Now we may ask: is being born again all that is required? No! Some people may claim to be born again but it is only by their fruit that you shall know them. The book of Proverbs gives a lot of teaching on the right character traits expected of a wife/husband. He/she should be a man of noble character. Proverbs 12:4, 19:3,31:10.
He/she should not be lazy. A lazy person is all talk and no action. They keep talking about making it big but never ready to start with something small. The sluggard has put his hands into the plate and cannot bring it to his mouth again.
One who lacks self control according to Proverbs 25:28 is like a city without a wall. Such a man or woman is an easy prey to Satan. They have no stamina against temptation.
Quarrelsome man or woman is not your game. It is better to live in the attic, Proverbs says, than with a quarrelsome woman(or man)
A fool is always right in his own eyes and can never be corrected. Make sure that your born again, tongue talking believer is not a fool.
A person who wants to keep friends must himself be friendly. Your husband or wife must first be your friend, otherwise, your marriage may last only a few years. When the euphoria of new beginning dies down, it is friendship that keeps your marriage going. Taciturn people or those who look down on you, who cannot discuss their heart matter with you should be avoided.
Proud believers who say to you “you are so lucky that I am going to marry you” are indirectly telling you that you are not worthy of them. If that mentality follow you into marriage you will continue begging for their acceptance all through your marital life. A forward heart is an abomination onto God.
Summarily, a born again believer must be one who has developed the fruits of the holy spirit as outlined in Galatians 5:22-25. All their counterparts of Galatians 5;21 are the distinguishing marks of a believing unbeliever. We were all created free moral agents. Free to make choices. Our choices includes, choosing the right kind of person to spend our lives with in the union of marriage. God has given us some guidelines for this. We’ll do well to search them out and make them our guide for a fulfilling marriage life. Then we must deliberately choose to learn some Godly guidelines to an enduring marriage